Oh, cruel world! Rants from the Edge
To the lazy hippie that took my bike,
I hope the 15 seconds you saved yourself riding my bike from Ames to the library was worth it. I also wanted to say that I hope you didn’t get too wet in the pouring rain. I just wanted you to know that I spent 30 minutes looking for my bike before I decided to give up and walk home.
The fact of the matter is that your inconsiderate behavior is being replicated by many members of this campus who are just too lazy to walk the 400 feet to the next building or wake up late and decide that stealing a bike and being ten minutes late is better than being 11 minutes late. I mean, come on how can anyone be that lazy, is it even possible? How do you find the strength to hold a pen, or even put your clothes on in the morning? Or is it that you are just too spoiled to realize that taking what doesn’t belong to you and leaving it trashed is childish behavior? Perhaps we should call your mommy to clean up your messes too. The next time you are late for your Images class because you got too drunk or too stoned the night before and are incapable of practicing any personal responsibility (the stuff you supposedly get when you are an adult), please go a head, take my bike, I wasn’t using it anyway.
-Cynical Cyclist
To muffin muncher eating in Withey,
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that a keyboard is not a plate and that the mouse is not a napkin. I don’t think that it is possible for you to have gotten more crumbs over the computer. Not to mention the fat sweaty butter finger prints you left over the mouse. It was still warm when I got there. Now I don’t know who taught you to eat a muffin, but where I come from we use sometimes use a fork, not a lawnmower. If you are going to participate in highly devastating muffin carnage, at least pick up after yourself. This is a public space and the last thing someone wants when they sit down is remnants of your left over lunch across a butter slimed keyboard. Might I suggest bringing a napkin the next time you sat down for a feast in front of a publicly shared computer screen?
-Feast After Telecommunications (FAT)
Short URL: http://www.themountaineer.org/?p=285
Posted by editor
on Dec 19, 2008 Filed under First-Person.
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