B Y RONNIE BLACK
A long time ago, we (humans) decided that it was a good idea to celebrate this time of year. Don’t worry, though, we had help – God was there and some elves, and even a few woodland creatures I’m sure.
For Christians and Pagans alike this is the time of year to sacrifice thousands of turkeys and drink strong ales to keep warm on Christmas. Then couple it with the idea that a jolly fat guy from the North Pole who falls down your chimney to give candy to sleeping children, hide gifts under a conifer tree planted somewhere in the house, and steal some milk and cookies from the ol’ ice box. Right. That’s not creepy! If I tell myself that the person who invented the story of old Saint Nick had too much strong eggnog, I feel a little better.
For people of the Jewish faith there is Hanukkah, aka the festival of lights. Jewish kids always complain that they don’t celebrate Christmas, but really they are just trying to cover it up from all of us that they get eight nights of partying and gifts. Two objects come to mind when speaking of Hanukkah. The first is the Menorah, which is kind of a candelabrum hydra – a candle for every night you pass out after drinking a whole bottle of Manischewitz wine. The second one is the dreidel or a wooden top that kids use to gamble away their gelt (that’s money for those of you who don’t speak Yiddish).
Kwanzaa is a holiday celebrating African heritage. They use a similar candle of plenty called the kinara to ensure their festivities last a week. It was created by Maulana Karenga to give African Americans their own holiday. It’s a much more colorful holiday than the others swapping out the traditional silvers and golds for pan-African Colors (your guess is as good as mine on that one). The last night of Kwanzaa is on January 1, so it rolls right into the New Year.
The New Years celebration is for everyone who believes in time. I suppose it’s yet again another reason to drink. What’s better than a night in Times Square you remember? A night in Times Square you don’t remember! All the better for making some kind of resolution to lose a few pounds or not to get so hopped up on opiates and throw figgy pudding at a bunch of carolers. We ought to at least honor and cherish this time of year, whether we are celebrating Jesus’ birthday, African heritage, the good fortune of Judea or we just like a good stiff holiday drink. Happy Holidays to everyone… even Scientologists.
