I've fallen and I can't get up. Photo by Oz Skinner.
BY RONNIE BLACK
With the advent of the Bozen Wellness center becoming elitist hippie housing, we say farewell to the on-campus doctor, Michael Scovner. This means that we are subject to some other form of healthcare as outlined by the new President Paul Fonteyn. The Williams House is to be converted into the Wellness Center and if it’s anything like the Free Store, Jesse Pyles’ desk will probably be there until kingdom come. There are several things that seem to be bothering students, like the fact that if you have crutches or a wheelchair it is hard to maneuver. Go figure! There seems to be a plague that has been going on all semester. What happens if we need medical help fast? I’m not a medical person, so I can’t answer any of these questions. However, I am a wise ass, so I will attempt to make light of the situation.
Sports related injuries take the campus by storm every fall and spring with the waxing and waning of the warm weather. That sprained ankle or busted rotator cuff may put a cramp in your style, but I don’t sympathize with athletes because they enter a game knowing that these are the occupational hazards. I love the teamwork exhibited on campus, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not going to tear up every time somebody gets a set of crutches or an air cast. I would also like to adapt an old saying to the GMC campus – if you mess with Bill and Lou, you get the horns! Why some people are surprised that a three hundred-pound rugby player from Castleton turned them into a pretzel on the field is beyond me. Seriously, who came to GMC to play sports thinking that they could be the next Wayne Gretzky or Larry Bird? Occasionally, GMC athletics gets coverage in the Rutland Herald, but it’s not like we get a nightly slot on Sport Center. Besides this, the four other schools in the area probably don’t make for a large pool of competitors.
Sickness on campus is at an all time high, or so it seems, but I may be able to offer some explanation. GMC is a pretty social campus and this means people are always coughing on each other and sharing things. Also, most people know that the immune system functions better with a healthy diet and plenty of rest. No one is following this advice, because at every meal I hear people complaining about the food only to see them carrying a heap of pizza or French fries. Like those’ll get you healthy! I can hear people outside when it is 3 AM, and they are usually coughing like they are allergic to fresh air. If these people thought to sleep, they might fare better during the day when it pays to be awake or attend class. All I’m saying is you might want to re-think those nocturnal habits and that addiction to fatty foods at least while you have the plague.
If you have a medical problem that needs more than a bandage or a prescription, the same old Poultney rescue will be here to pick you up when you drink yourself unconscious or sever a part of your body. Otherwise, having to walk across the street might suck if you have strep throat, but it is not the end of the world. Just be careful of who or what you kiss and you should be alright. There is a new bus system that will bring you to the Doc five times a day. This seems pretty convenient since you probably were going to miss classes anyway. In my experience, it is human nature to make a big deal of being sick. We act like we are the only people in the world who feel bad when we are sick and as if we have never had a cold before. I know when I’m sick I’m the only person allowed to be in a bad mood because I’m leaking green fluid.
